can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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