I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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