i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
