Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
