but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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