I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
