I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
