How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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