WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
