It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
