just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
