Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
