Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
