You're so nebulous sometimes
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
