His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
