god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
