Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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