I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
