we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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