i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
