this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
