dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're too hungover to prance.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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