smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
