thus making me awesome and them whores
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
