I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
