This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
