i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
