tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
