We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
