make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
