she was so not down for the gang bang
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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