i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
