Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
