I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
