when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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