Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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