you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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