this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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