i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
