Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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