I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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