New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
