Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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