I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
