whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
