He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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