I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize