Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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