but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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