i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
