Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would ride that face into the sunset
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
