Church boner. Awkwardddd
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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