Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
