the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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