i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
