I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fuck appropriateness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
