This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
