just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
