Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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