she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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