I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
