So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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