I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
