I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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