As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
