I got chris browned last night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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