can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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