she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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