Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
